


I've Been Dreaming of a True Love's Kiss

by mambo



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fairy Tale Retellings, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Magic Kisses, frog prince - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 12:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12189612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mambo/pseuds/mambo
Summary: A warlock's curse turns Taako into a frog. If that weren't bad enough, the only way to reverse it is with a true love's kiss.Only problem is that it's... a little early in the relationship to ask that of Kravitz. Right? And in front of Merle and Magnus? It's a little weird. Maybe Taako should just stay a frog forever.





	I've Been Dreaming of a True Love's Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to pretend that this actually fits within the timeline of the Balance Arc, but please just pretend that it's somewhere between Taako and Kravitz's first date and The Suffering Game.
> 
> Also, the title comes from the Disney cinematic masterpiece _Enchanted_.

Taako is covered in slime. Slime. There is nothing Taako likes about slime, nothing redeeming about slime. Slime is disgusting, but the sad truth is that it seems that Taako will be covered in slime for the foreseeable future.

"Aw, look at that," Merle says with a toothy grin. "Taako's a frog, how cute. Can you say ribbet?“

"There is nothing cute about this," Taako says. If he were still in his elf form, he'd cross his arms over his chest and huff. But he's a frog. He can't do that right now. Taako is covered in slime and can't even pout about it in the right and cutest way. This day sucks, this mission sucks, and Taako should've never stopped cooking.

"You're pretty cute like that," Magnus says, picking Taako up in his calloused hands and smiling. "Look at you, all smelly and slimy and gross. You’d make a great pet.“

"Call me gross again and you've got a magic missile coming your way as soon as I have thumbs again,” Taako says. "Now, put me down so we can kill this mother fucker and make me pretty again.”

“Taako, there is way am I putting you down. You'll get smushed! I'll just..." He puts Taako up on his shoulder. "Think you can stay there?" he asks.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's go kill some people. I'm in a really bad mood now.”

"Aw, little Taako wants to kill some people." Merle says, reaching out and, oh God, touching Taako’s froggy back with his wooden hand. Gross.

Then the only thing that could make the day worse happens: Merle gives him a splinter.

Great.

— —

They fight the bad guys, save the day, blah blah blah, but they don't find a way to reverse the curse the warlock cast on Taako. The warlock himself just laughed as he died, making some crack about how it’s not easy being green.

"Can't you just... transmute yourself?" Magnus asks. "Roll until you get a Nat 20 or something?"

"Do you really think that's how magic works?" Taako asks, exasperated. He feels so gross. All he wants is his body back and a long shower. Maybe a bath. With lavender soap and a lot of candles.

"I dunno, Taako! You're the expert here and you're not coming up with many solutions," Magnus says.

"Boys!" Merle says. "I think _I_ may have a solution."

"Oh good," Taako mutters. "Merle has a solution. I'm already a frog, so it probably means that I'm just going to die. Great. Awesome. Perfect day. Lay it on me, Merle.“

"Look here," Merle says, holding out one of the books the Director gave to them when they showed her what had happened to Taako. Taako hops over to the book as Magnus looks down at it. Then Merle reads aloud, "If 't be true the warlock's beshrew hits its targeteth, then doth not loseth hope. While the spelleth may beest p'rmanent, th're be a bawbling chance yond if 't be true the targeteth hast true loveth, a simple kisseth shall breaketh the curse’s shackles and alloweth those folk to roam free once again."

“When was this book _written_?” Taako asks.

“Uh…” Merle says as he flips to the front cover. “Two and a half years ago, it looks like.”

“I’m not sure we should trust it,” Taako says.

Magnus shakes his head. “C’mon guys, the Director gave it to us, so it’s gotta be true. And it's saying that we just need to break some shackles," he says. “Easy peasy. I bet Avi has shackles. He’s into some weird stuff.”

"No dummy," Merle says. "We've just gotta get someone to kiss Taako!" He puckers up. "C'mere little buddy!"

"No, no, no," Taako says, hopping away from Merle's lips. "It has to be from someone who's in love with me!"

"I love you!" Merle says.

Taako grimaces. Or, he would if he had a human face. "Yeah, but not like that." He pauses, eyes going wide. "I hope."

"No, no, not like that," Merle says. “I love you platonically, as a friend and brother. Though, I'll have you know that you'd be lucky to have me as your man."

“Yeah, so we can have Kenny Chesney play our wedding. I think _not_ , my man.”

“Aw, this won't work," Magnus says, frowning. "Taako doesn't have anyone who loves him."

"Hey!" Taako says.

"Romantically speaking," Magnus says. There's a long pause. Taako doesn't meet his eyes. "Right?" Magnus asks, taking a step closer to Taako and leaning down so he can look straight into Taako’s froggy eyes.

"I wouldn't say anyone is in _love_ with me per se,” Taako says.

"But?" Merle asks.

"But I have kind of sort of maybe been seeing someone lately."

"What?" Magnus asks, loudly.

"Hell yeah!" Merle says.

"Could you assholes keep it down?" Taako asks. "It's not... I don't know! It's new. It's being cultivated, gently, and with a delicate hand. I want to tread carefully in case I…“ He pauses. If he could clear his throat, he would, but he’s not sure that’s within his purview as a frog. Instead, he just sort of shoots out his tongue for a moment. It's a weird sensation. "I don't think it's very cool to call him up and tell him that he needs to kiss a frog or that he needs to be in one true love with me or anything like that, okay?”

"It would be just like kissing you!" Merle says.

"I'm not normally this sticky!” Taako says.

"Who is it?" Magnus asks.

Taako hops from side to side, hoping they understand the implicit 'no' in the action. "I'm not telling you dumb fucks," he says.

"The Juicy Wizard?" Magnus asks. "Kind of got vibes that he liked you. Remember when he jumped off that train for you?“

“You _all_ jumped off that train, you nimrod!” 

"Maybe Leon," Merle says. "Kind of an enemies-to-lovers romance brewing there. That has some potential.“

“How about Avi? He’s a handsome guy and, as we discussed, probably a weirdo in the bedroom.”

“Why do you keep assuming that it’s someone that you dweebs know?” he asks.

Magnus turns to Merle. “Does he even know anyone we don’t know?” he asks.

“I had a life before I met you!” Taako says.

“Oh, it’s Klarg!” Magnus says. “Remember Klarg?”

“Man, I love Klarg.” Merle says before turning to Taako. “C’mon, Taako. Give Klarg a call, invite him for some tea, and get some sweet smooching on. It’ll be a fun afternoon for everyone! I sure would like to sit down and catch up with that man.”

“It is not Klarg,” Taako says. If he could lift his nose in the air, he would. 

Merle frowns. “Well, if you really want to stay a frog forever…”

“It’s not that,” Taako says. He hopes to the edge of the table and sits down, turned away from Magnus and Merle. “I…” He swallows. It’s new. It’s fresh. It doesn’t mean much, right? So if Kravitz doesn’t kiss him, or if he _does_ kiss him and nothing happens… It wouldn’t be the end of the world. Taako’s been alone for this long. If Kravitz is just an anomalous blip on the richter scale of loneliness, then so be it. “Get me my stone of far speech,” he says, resigned.

“So it _was_ Klarg,” Merle says triumphantly as Magnus as he fishes Taako’s stone of far speech out of his bag. He and Merle took Taako’s things after the transformation, and Taako is ninety percent sure that he’s not getting any of his gold back once all this is over. Just another fun part of this already awesome day.

“It wasn’t Klarg. Now would you shut up? I’m making the call,” he says as the stone of far speech comes on. 

He’s half-hoping Kravitz isn’t around, off reaping souls or hanging out with the Raven Queen and just happens to have his stone of far speech off, but moments later there’s a crackle, and a voice with a Cockney accent saying, “You’ve got Kravitz.”

Magnus’ eyes go wide. “You’re dating _that guy_?” he asks.

“Oh, he was handsome,” Merle says with a little smile. “ _Very_ handsome. When he wasn’t a skull man, of course.”

“Would you _shut up_ ,” Taako hisses, then turns to the stone. “Uh, hey, Kravitz. It’s me, Taako. You know, from TV?” he adds out of habit.

There’s a soft chuckle. “I know who you are,” Kravitz says, discarding the phony accent. “It’s good to hear from you. I thought you’d still be a few days.”

“Oh, you know, we figured shit out, saved the day, the whole shebang. Business as usual.”

“That’s great,” Kravitz says in that soft, sweet voice that makes Taako go a little weak in the knees. Or, it would if his knees were normal. It just makes him feel kind of warm and happy on the inside in a way that he doesn’t want these chuckle fucks to see. For the first time, he’s sort of glad that he’s a frog. “Thanks for letting me know. It’s… a little stressful when you’re out on an adventure. I appreciate you making the call.”

“Well, uh, before you relax, I should tell you that there’s been a sort of little issue. Just a small, but… it’s noticeable. It’s a noticeable issue,” Taako says.

There’s a moment of stony silence. “Are you alright?” Kravitz asks.

“Well, not exactly alright. Am I uninjured? Sure. Am I changed in other ways? That’s debatable.”

“Debatable? He’s a frog,” Merle mutters to Magnus under his breath.

Taako glares at him with his frog eyes. Merle waves at him with his wooden hand and grins.

“What do you mean?” Kravitz asks.

“Well, uh, as I said, there’s something wrong,” he says, “and I think you maybe kind of might be able to help with—“

He’s interrupted by a hole in space time ripping through the room. Kravitz appears moments later in his skeletal form, scythe in hand. “Taako?” he asks, “Taako, I’m here! What can I…” He trails off, looks over at Magnus and Merle. He reverts back to his human form, then clears his throat. “Merle, Magnus,” he says, more controlled, but not looking either Magnus or Merle in the eye. “It’s very nice to see you again.”

“Are you _embarrassed_?” Merle asks, astonished. Kravitz just clears his throat. “He is, isn’t he! He’s embarrassed! That’s adorable! No wonder Taako likes you so much!”

“He likes me that much?” Kravitz mutters. He leans in towards Merle, “When did he say that—“

“Hey big guy,” Taako interrupts, because he is not going to be a bystander to this humiliation. “I’m over here,” he says.

Kravitz swings around, scythe still in hand. “Taako?” he asks.

“ _Down_ here,” Taako says.

Kravitz down at the frog that is Taako.

Taako looks up at the reaper that is Kravitz.

Kravitz grimaces.

“Wow, I’m flattered,” Taako says.

“How did this happen?” Kravitz asks.

“Warlock’s curse,” he says.

“Is there a way to reverse it?” Kravitz asks. “I have the power of the Raven Queen, I could—“

“Uh, I don’t think it’ll be that complicated. Hopefully. _Probably_. It depends on this one book, but it’s two and a half years old, so jury’s still out, but there’s something you can do.”

Merle snickers. “It really depends on how much you like him, hot stuff,” he says.

Kravitz looks over his shoulder. “Excuse me?” he asks.

“True love’s kiss may break the spell,” Merle says with unrestrained glee.

“Allegedly,” Taako says. Kravitz turns back to him. “I mean, it’s early in the relationship, okay? I know that. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this, or even that you have to feel anything more than _friendship_ even, but—“

He’s interrupted by Kravitz leaning down and kissing him on his froggy lips. He didn’t go for the back, or hesitate before landing down, he went straight for the _lips_ , which are disgusting. But Kravitz just goes for it like the top-notch boyfriend he is, and moments later, Taako reappears in a cloud of smoke, fully nude, sitting on the table with his legs gracefully crossed. “Hey,” he says, slimeless and beautiful.

“Hi,” Kravitz says with a smile. “You look good.”

“I always look good,” Taako says. “Except when I’m a frog, but that’s been a one-time deal.”

“So far,” Magnus adds.

Taako glares at him.

“I’m glad to see that you’re okay,” Kravitz says, looking at Taako with shiny red eyes, and a big goofy smile, and—

_Oh shit_.

Kravitz _loves_ him. The curse wouldn’t be broken if he didn’t. So, Kravitz loves him. He _loves_ him. Not like. Love. Has anyone been in love with Taako before? Not to Taako’s knowledge. Well, some would argue that Taako’s in love with himself, but that’s a different story. 

But Kravitz? Kravitz loves him.

Taako’s cheeks go red, and of course Kravitz notices because Taako is an elf again, and not a frog. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “You’re flushed.” He reaches towards Taako’s face.

Panicked, Taako bats Kravitz’s hand away. “Yes, fine! I’m fine; I’m _great_ ,” he says, voice getting increasingly high-pitched. “It’s great. _You’re_ great. I’m not a frog, which is great, because that was a bummer and it was pretty smiley, but I’m not anymore, so that’s—“

“Great?” Kravitz asks with a chuckle. He leans over and kisses Taako’s cheek. “It’s okay. You must be in shock.”

Maybe, Taako thinks. Probably not. It’s just surprising and _amazing_ , and Taako is… lucky? He’s lucky. He’s lucky that Kravitz is in love with him, for more reasons than just breaking a warlock’s curse.

“Only thing that’s shocking here is Merle’s atrocious sense of fashion,” Taako says with a forced laugh.

“Rich coming from a guy hanging out in the nude,” Merle says.

“Speaking of which,” Taako says, “I feel gross, and I need a bath.” He looks to Kravitz. “You in?” he asks.

Kravitz clears his throat, then turns to Magnus and Merle. “Gentlemen,” he says with a nod, then turns back to Taako. “Let’s do it,” he says.

Taako grins. “Shield your eyes boys, Taako is ready to stand.”

“Oh, for the love of Pan,” Merle says, covering his eyes with his hand. Magnus does, too, but Taako could swear that there’s a crack he’s peeing through, though Taako doesn’t blame him for it. Taako stands with a flourish, and reaches a hand out to Kravitz.

“Come along, bone man,” he says.

Kravitz chuckles and interlaces his cold fingers with Taako’s. “Let’s go,” he says.

— —

After their bath, Kravitz drags Taako back to Merle and Magnus to have supper so that they can get all of their stupid, invasive questions out of the way. Taako is exhausted by the time it’s over — there were _so many_ skeleton boner questions involved — and flops into his bed as Kravitz chuckles.

“They’re spirited,” Kravitz says.

“You don’t have to be charitable, here. It’s just the two of us now.”

“It’s fine,” he says. “They’re not bad at all, especially when I don’t have a bounty on their heads.”

Taako looks up at Kravitz. He’s idly playing with a trinket on Taako’s dresser, handsome and tall. It was so nice of him to drop everything and come over to help Taako. It’s also nice to just see him in Taako’s room.

“Hey,” Taako says, voice a little rough.

Kravitz looks at Taako over his shoulder. “What is it?” he asks.

“If you… I mean, if what happened to me, with the whole frog thing? If that happened to you, then I’d kiss you, too. I mean, it would break the curse. The kissing. I wanted you to know that.”

Kravitz smiles, leans his head to one side. “Thank you?” he says because he still doesn’t quite get it, what that kiss meant.

“You’re welcome,” Taako says. “Now how about you get down here for some sweet loving,” he says. “And maybe a kiss that doesn’t involve slime.”

Kravitz grins. “It would be my pleasure.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If you liked it, consider giving me a follow on Tumblr at [whtaft](whtaft.tumblr.com) or giving my post about this fic a reblog [here](http://whtaft.tumblr.com/post/165738733094/ive-been-dreaming-of-a-true-loves-kiss-mambo).


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